Nov. 6th

Today, I am grateful for the ability to have strategies that can help me get out of my mental health struggles. 

I know that I need to have a schedule and something to work towards. 

I know that I have been living without much to look forward to...I say this knowing I have my children, my family...

I have been having so much negative self-talk about what my day to day actions have been and how they have been leading me nowhere. 

I have been having so much negative self-talk about how I know what to do but I am not doing it and how dumb does that make me. 

I have been having so much negative self-talk that I make "jokes" about my weight and body image trying to get past how I actually feel about myself. 

I don't know how to describe this feeling but with my depression, anxiety and mental health, most days are feeling like survival and that there is a cloud or mist or fog that doesn't let me see the top or the other side so that I know I am going in the right direction. Then, for some reason, there is a moment that something clicks, and now I am ready to make the decisions that are needed to address what I have been talking so negatively about to myself. 

The picture above represents the "clicking moment" for me. I have been struggling with thinking when do I have time to do what I need to do to be healthier. The time comes from setting my sleep schedule and being intentional about waking up in the morning and getting a workout in. 

I am challenging myself to do this schedule for two weeks and reassess where I am. 

I am challenging myself because I want to be good to myself and stop having my own voice being so mean about who I am.

Secondarily, I am challenging myself for the people around me. I want to deserve the love and kindness that so many have showed me and actually feel it on the inside. 

The journey continues.